Seeing Ezra - Part 2 - Aug 6, 2014
So, I finished reading Seeking Ezra by Kerry Cohen some time ago. I've been mulling over what to write here about what I read. Suffice to say, it's taken some time to digest.
Primarily, the stuff about keeping children as they are. I kind of take back my earlier opinions. I'm not sure Kerry's intention was to write not to seek intervention, I see it a little differently now. Let me see if I can clarify it for you all.
I don't believe she meant "don't seek services". I think she meant, feel comfortable with the services you're seeking and don't overdo it. A lot of times, she brought her son to specialists who performed testing that was seeking to discover his challenges, but maybe they went about it the wrong way and that turned her off and she walked out. For example, in one instance, she brings her son to an SLP who puts them in as she refers to it... a "closet" and holds back a whole box of toys, and then presents "boring" items to her son to see his level of engagement. Things such as a ball, or a puppet, to see what he'd do. When he whined or cried, cause he was frustrated, the SLP would take away the thing he already did have, and ask him to label what he wanted instead without showing him the box. While I see the value of this from a testing perspective, I can equally see the frustration of this situation, when you as the parent knows that the child cannot label what they don't see, or don't know the parameters of the questions being asked.
So, what Kerry meant when she said keep the individuality of the child at heart was: so what if he can't label what he doesn't see, he plays appropriately with things he does like, he's interactive on his own terms, and the's a member of our family. Meaning, don't turn kids into robots (not that I subscribe to that viewpoint). She sought appropriate schooling, actually she changed the school he went to several times throughout the book in order to find something appropriate. She worked with the school board to get the services that he was entitled to, and she sought OTs and SLPs from her own pocket to ensure that they were meeting her son's needs, and not frustrating for him.
I think what I take away from this book is to look at the personality of the child while putting in place programming. I think it's important to tap into personality (I know that many behaviourists don't subscribe to such a ludacris term as "personality" but alas... here we go) and to see the child for who they are anyways. For example, I have a client who has a family who very much wants him to by typical, despite his diagnosis. They put him into everything they can, and they expect him to excel because they see other children excel at these things. However, my sense is that he's a little bit more shy and timid than most. I think while he like sports, its not for him. While he likes going to amusement parks, he doesn't want to be in tunnels or on fast rides. He's just not a thrill-seeker. And thats. OKAY. I think that every child doesn't have to excel at everything, and maybe they won't be the lead in the school play, but maybe that's not who they are at their heart. I certainly wasn't that kid, and would have revolted if my parents has pushed the issue when I was young.
I think that Kerry Cohen also has this perspective, honour the person they are. Cause they are a whole formed person. With thoughts, feelings, emotions, likes and dislikes. Don't make them into something they're not, and don't overdo it to get them out from under their diagnosis. The diagnosis is not everything after all.
Anyways, these are just my two cents, let me know if you read it differently, or are thinking about differently.
